“You’ll hate it, until you love it. And then you’ll hate it all over again.”
When I tell people I’m a Counsellor, I mostly get one of two reactions – “Wow, let me tell you everything!” or “Oh God, don’t analyse me”. Everyone’s a bit wary, because no one knows what you can expect from Counselling, let alone a Counsellor lurking at a dinner party!
It’s understandable – most people’s ideas of therapy involve ink blot tests that look like penises, mafia bosses talking through their daddy issues, or at the very least a chaise longue.
Counselling is a word that gets thrown around when we discuss mental health, but many don’t know what it really means, how it works or crucially, what they can expect if they decide to get into it.
What you can expect from Counselling
Counsellors vary greatly in both their personalities and their approach but there’s a few things to be aware of:
Confidentiality
You will be alone with your therapist, unless you are working through a translator, interpreter or need another person (or animal!) present. They will try to keep everything you talk about confidential, but have some legal and ethical limits to what they can keep private.
All ethical Counsellors will have a Supervisor who they take their caseload to, to make sure they’re working safely. This means that that Supervisor might know your story and what you talk to your therapist about but Counsellor’s are obligated to keep you anonymous when they’re doing this.
You have the right to know what happens to any information about you that a Counsellor keeps or shares, so don’t be afraid to ask how they anonymise you when they’re talking to their Supervisor. I, for example, always refer to clients by their initials.
Your shields might be up for a while
It’s normal to have stuff you don’t feel like sharing straight away, you have to move at a pace that feels comfortable for you. A good Counsellor will respect that, and know when is a good time to back off with the questions.
The first few sessions can feel really weird and rough, after all you’re telling your story to a complete stranger but they’re so important.
They are the start of building a strong foundation – you and the therapist are learning to be around each other, where the boundaries are, and what really works for you in terms of making you feel seen and heard.
You’re also learning how to deal with the way therapy leaves you feeling. Over time you’ll start to learn the skill of taking your walls down for 50 minutes then building them back up again so you can face the world outside. You’ll learn how to use therapy in a way that works for you.
Ups & Downs
You will go through waves of loving it and hating it. You will likely yo-yo being wanting more sessions a week, and being ready to throw the towel in.
Your relationship to therapy (and to your therapist!) will change and evolve along their journey.
You might feel new emotions you don’t recognise, or old feelings might start cropping up again, making you want to lean in to the relationship or push back hard against it. That’s normal.
It’s the Counsellor’s job to create a non-judgemental space that feels safe for you to bring those feelings into to work through them.
It’s also important to know that sometimes it might feel like you’re getting worse. There will be feelings that you’ve avoided truly letting in because it feels scary, but therapy encourages you to let them in and feel their impact.
That work doesn’t stop when the session ends, and sometimes it can be hard to switch off, making it feel like things are more present than ever – but hold on!
Your therapist can help you deal with those feelings and worries.
To summarise what you can expect from Counselling is up and downs, but a growing sense of control over the process. Therapy is a journey, and whatever you feel about it is ok. Just try to stay open and keep communicating.