A lot of people wonder “how much do I tell my Counsellor? Do I have to tell them everything?” The short answer is No, you don’t have to tell them everything, but over time opening up might start to feel more comfortable. You could find that soon, you want to tell them everything!
Nothing works without trust
There’s no doubt that the thought of opening up to a complete stranger can feel really alien, and ultimately pretty scary.
The best thing you can do is make peace with the fact that it’ll feel strange and it will take time to trust this new person. In fact, any therapist worth their salt will tell you this themselves. It’s part of the therapist’s job, and the work overall, for them to provide that safe environment and solid foundation for your work together.
Let that process happen naturally as you both get to know each other and work out what working together is going to feel like.
Consider the situation compassionately
If you’re attending Counselling provided by the NHS or via a low-cost service, you may not even have got to meet the therapist that has been assigned to you before session one.
This can make the situation feel even more intimidating, especially if you have things in your past that make trusting people difficult.
Try to offer yourself some compassion by looking at how challenging that situation is. What advice would you offer to a friend who was in it? Probably to slow down and take it step by step, right?
A lot of people worry about doing therapy ‘wrong’, or failing at it in one way or another, but I promise you – just by showing up you are doing therapy ‘right’.
Don’t rush yourself
Contrary to what you might think, pushing yourself to share the deep stuff straightaway may not make the work go faster. In fact, it can cause issues further down the road.
It’s actually one of the things highlight when I start working with someone in my online practice. This is because when people are talking to me from their own space instead of a neutral one, the phenomenon of ‘disinhibition’ can occur.
Disinhibition is a lowering of your defences due to being in a comfortable and familiar environment, meaning you’re much more likely to share information before you might have been ready to ‘in the room’, as we say. Oversharing in this way might cause you to feel exposed afterwards or experience increased anxiety and for some clients it can cause them to withdraw from the therapeutic relationship or choose to stop sessions altogether.
You can always drop a breadcrumb for later
A good Counsellor won’t push you straight away for information you aren’t sharing willingly. Challenging and digging a little deeper is reserved for when the relationship is stronger and you both know each other better.
If there’s something you know you need to address at some point, but you’re not ready to discuss it, you can always drop a breadcrumb. Something like “there is something, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet”, or “I’ve gone far enough on that subject for now, maybe another time I will feel like I can say more” will be enough for your therapist to make a mental note of it.
In conclusion, the answer to “how much do I tell my Counsellor?” is as much as you’re comfortable with. This will likely change over time, but it’s important not to rush yourself into oversharing.
